H’s Story: Talking Back to Infertility

H’s story is one I received from my call for stories during NIAW… I am struck by the fact that most of those wanting to share their story didn’t share a story of “success” or how everything turned out fine, but rather they shared stories of still being in the midst of struggle and expressing so eloquently how that feels. These stories of sitting in uncertainty are sometimes the most powerful. Witnessing how others find strength in what feels like a powerless situation, hope in a hopeless situation, and the ability to sit with incredible pain is so inspiring to me. Having been through the struggle myself, I will always feel a kinship with my “sisters” as she describes us below. Gratitude to you all. Here is H’s story: 

After three long years of trying and trying, my husband and I are still childless. I don’t need to get into the boring details of the IUI’s, laparoscopy’s, hystercopy’s, endless blood work and ultrasounds, cyct’s, shots, pills…we’ve all been there and done that! One thing is for sure: the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain.

On December 16th, we got the news that our IVF was unsuccessful. On December 20th, we were told by the doctor that having a biological child related to both of us was next to impossible. On December 24th, I turned the dreaded 35 years old. Needless, to say; not a good birthday or Christmas. Currently we are in the process of grieving and trying to figure out what are next steps will be: egg donor, adoption, or child free. I don’t know what the future holds for us. We are heart broken, exhausted and trying to find faith anywhere we can find it.

Our infertility journey has been one of the most difficult processes I have been through. It has made me question my worth as a wife, as a woman (in my darkest moments–my worth as a human). It has made me question my faith, my mistakes, my decisions , my marriage, my friends. It has shook everything about me to the core.

However, five months after the devastating news of December; the days are getting easier. Of course, there are always set-backs…a friend announces a pregnancy, your period comes, a sentimental commercial with family related topics, holidays such as Mother’s Day, etc…it’s endless. But, I can honestly say that this journey has given me strength I didn’t know I had in me. I am proud of myself. I am proud of my husband. But, the cruelty of infertility is that it is unseen and goes unnoticed. Nobody (but your life partner or husband–if you’re lucky enough to have an engaged partner throughout the process) understands or even knows the amount of courage it takes to do everyday, daily activities. Remember the set-backs I listed before? Those are infinite and they are everywhere, everyday. The stabs of pain in your heart, the amount of pain you feel in these set-backs and nobody knows.

Even through the depths of despair that infertility has taken me to, I realize that there is always tomorrow and there is always a choice. I have chosen to look at all I have instead of what I don’t have: a wonderful, supportive, loving and loyal husband; incredibly supportive and devoted parents and sister; some wonderful friends (and boy, don’t you figure out who are friends during this process); a rewarding job; a beautiful home. The blessings are endless. It has been vital for me to take the power over my life back and say, “No more treatments, no more trying, no more books about improving my infertility, no more jellies and herbs, no more! I choose to move past this stage.”  I am worth more than my reproductive system!

The night I found out our IVF cycle failed I wrote a “letter” to infertility. It was very therapeutic because I felt like I got the privilege of telling infertility off! It is extremely personal and reveals my inner-most thoughts at the time but this is the reality and the very ugly truth about infertility that so many people don’t understand.

December 16, 2010

Dear Infertility,

I hate you. You have robbed me of my dreams. You have made me despise my body. You have made me feel like an un-whole woman. You have gutted me like a fish and left me empty. You have made me an envious, ugly person. Why me? 

You have made me question my faith. You have made me question if there is a God at all. You have made me wish I was dead. You’ve made me feel like a failure as a wife. If it wasn’t for you and the rotten eggs you have cursed me with–my husband could have children! Why me? 

What have I done to deserve this? I know I’ve done plenty–I’m human. But, why does the punishment have to be so severe? 

Why are children given to so many undeserving people? I hate that you make me ask sick questions such as these in my head! Why? Why? Why me? 

I’m green with envy of my pregnant friends and my friends with a family. Why do they get it and I don’t? I hate that you’ve made me like this! Who is envious of their friends? A woman with your curse–that’s who! 

I hate the roller coaster that you’ve taken me on. One minute I’m full of hope and looking for nursery ideas and diaper bags on-line and the next I feel so depleted that I feel like I could just stop breathing. Why me? 

Why can’t anything be easy for me and my husband? Why do some couples get everything they want with no struggles? Why can’t we have any journey in life that isn’t difficult? What did we do to deserve this? 

I hate you. I hate this process. I hate having our life on hold for 3 years! I hate everything being hard! I hate that I’m turning 35. I hate my age. I hate my eggs. I hate my body that has failed me and let me down. This is what you’ve done to me infertility. Thanks for nothing but a shattered soul.

What a “club” we belong to that none of us asked to be a part of. The strength and courage that each one of us has to endure this fight should be celebrated. Our resilience is astonishing!

Therefore; I have to believe that this journey has a happy ending! An end to infertility and the beginning of a new phase of our lives. I don’t know what the next phase of our life looks like…Will we have a family that includes children brought to us in a non-traditional way? Will we be a family of two (because you know you and your husband became a family the day you were married! It doesn’t take children to be a family!)? I don’t know those answers yet but I believe the common denominator will be joy in either scenario. Hope is slowly transforming from the ugly monster it had become into transformed dreams and optimism for the future.

I pray that you, my sisters of infertility, find the peace that we each deserve and that all of your dreams become a reality.

Thoughts on Motherhood

With Mother’s Day just just behind us, I wanted to share a few thoughts on motherhood, especially for those still longing to experience it and for whom mother’s day can be a day of grief and sadness rather than a day of celebration. I love this quotation from Ammachi about motherhood:

“The essence of motherhood is not restricted to women who have given birth; it is a principle inherent in both women and men. It is an attitude of the mind. It is love — and that love is the very breath of life. No one would say, ‘I will breathe only when I am with my family and friends; I won’t breathe in front of my enemies.’ Similarly, for those in whom motherhood has awakened, love and compassion for everyone are as much a part of their being as breathing.” — quote from Amma’s address given upon her acceptance of the 2002 Gandhi-King Award for Non-Violence

These words remind me that we are all able to tap into the endless stream of love and compassion that flows through us and the world, no matter what. In the same way that gratitude is a practice and not just an attitude, the true essence of motherhood is a practice and not just a status bestowed on those who have children. Even though fertility struggles can make us feel isolated and left out on a day like Mother’s day, I believe connecting with this deeper sense of compassion (and starting by giving it to ourselves even when we feel ugly, dark and painful emotions) can heal us and reconnect us to our own power and the love that surrounds us in the world.

L’s Story: An IVF Journey

I was waiting for the right guy. I was waiting to get married. I got married for the first time at 37. We thought we were being aggressive by waiting only a few months before trying to have a baby. Can I have those few months back?

A year passed with systematic monitoring of basal temperature, careful not to move from bed before I got my temperature every morning. I charted my cervical mucus and tried to discern what “sticky egg white” meant. We timed intercourse with ovulation kits, trying to get in the mood every time it was time for our “business sex.” I bought sexy lingerie. We dimmed lights.

I was obsessed with pregnancy.

Every month when my menstrual cycle would start; I’d see blood and cry.  I went to four ob/gyns. Three tested me for everything. The tested my hormone levels at the wrong point in my cycle. They told me to just keep trying. They discounted my complaints that my menstrual cycle was lasting too long. I soldiered through their advice. I lost weight for them; I gained weight for them. Did they not read the pamphlet on “Aging and Infertility in Women.” The fourth ob/gyn that I saw didn’t even exam me. For my $89, ten minute session, I got the advice I wish I had been given a year prior, “Go to a fertility specialist.  You can’t wait. Here is a list of who I recommend.”

Advice was everywhere, “relax or you won’t get pregnant” or “just adopt and you will magically get pregnant because you won’t be stressed.”

I started going to a fertility clinic a month after we bought a house (two weeks after the last doctor had said, “you don’t have time.”) I had great insurance, but the fertility clinic required payment upfront. Thousands of dollars went by. I opened a credit card with a $15,000 limit and charged every dime of it on medical bills. Why’d I buy a house? I wanted life to go on. I wanted something to move forward.

Blood tests, vaginal ultrasounds, Clomid, more Clomid, IUI (repeat three times), shots, vitamins, powders…I was their experiment. What would you do for a baby?

I was emotional. I went on antidepressants, then off of them, then wondered about going back on them. My parents kept telling me, “just adopt.”  They wanted this to end. I would be happy to adopt after I grieve the fact that I am infertile. Did anyone see that missing step?  I was torture on everyone around me. I’m good at sharing.

In January of this year, I started the IVF process. My husband gave me three shots a day for twelve days. Every needle that went in, I’d close my eyes and try to imagine a baby’s face, but I had little energy left to hope. I could never picture a baby’s face. The medication made me constipated. I didn’t have a bowel movement in 12 days and I was worried. The nurses told me to increase my fiber and take a stool softener. I took three a day and was eating 35 grams of fiber per day. I had incredible pain from gas and bloating. The doctors said no laxatives and no straining. I wanted to jump out of my body and run away from it.

There was no running away from the fact I’d be forty years old this year. I had to keep going, pain or no pain.

After the 12 days of shots, they retrieved 10 eggs, 7 which they thought were mature enough to fertilize. That number quickly dropped to five eggs in a matter of hours. I mourned the loss of my two eggs. Out of the remaining five eggs, three were the ideal maturity level at the point of retrieval. The same week of the egg retrieval they transferred three embryos to me, the other two they would keep growing. They brought the three of them into the room in a baby incubator. We could see them on the monitor; they looked just like the textbook pictures in seventh grade education class that I never understood. My husband cried and was instantly protective of each one.

Out of the two remaining eggs that were fertilized, one lived to be frozen for another transfer if I decided to do a second IVF. One. One lonely one.

No one wanted to give me a percentage of what my chance at pregnancy would be with the transfer of three embryos.  The nurses kept referring to the doctor and finally on the day of transfer the doctor told me. 50% Wow. Should I be excited or disappointed by that number?

About two weeks after the transfer, I am sobbing. I go into the doctor to take my blood test to check for pregnancy. I am stressed. Two years and $18,000 later, will it be worth it?

The nurse calls and tells me I’m pregnant. I just slump to the floor crying. I can’t understand how I feel. I’m exhausted. It’s over. The fight is over. I broke into a million pieces. Shock.

Today I am four months pregnant. I am having twins. I am sick all the time. But did I really expect the “pregnancy gods” to be fair and make this part easy?

My husband has a picture of his mom at her fortieth birthday party. She has a big smile on her face and is pointing to the lettering on her black T-shirt. In big white letters it says, “I’d rather be forty, then pregnant.”

I get it. Women are insanely strong. They don’t always share it, but if you are looking for a hand, reach out to a woman, she’ll hold you up until you can walk on your own. You are not alone. Guaranteed.

Frank’s Story

I was first married in 1957 to a woman who was one of 5 kids.  I was one of 6 kids, so we looked forward to producing a large family.  After two years of non-pregnancy, our family doctor told us my wife’s physical anatomy and condition were normal for child bearing.  Then we found that my sperm count was good, but motility was extremely limited, and the possibility of my fathering a child was nil.  I was devistated!  I felt like I was not a complete man! 

We decided to adopt since raising a family was why we got married.  My wife’s older sister was already adopting so we had great guidance into this procedure   It took two years before we “earned” our first son.  Later we opted for another boy so our first would have a playmate.  Then we balanced our little family with two priceless girls.  All four came into our home while they were new babies, the youngest being 3 weeks old, and the oldest 3 months.

Life was good to us until my wife underwent radical mastectomy for breast cancer at age 36.  Now she was more devastated than I.  Her ailment was visible each time she saw herself in a mirror.  She didn’t even want me to look at her.  After the operation, her body suffered the effects of chemotherapy and radiation treatments.  She was in much pain and required many pain-killing drugs  To avoid addiction or other side effects, we got her oncologist doctor to approve our investigating accupuncture for pain relief, even though he said it was border-line “voodooism”. 

When we investigated the possibility of acupuncture, among the listed benefits, we found treatment for hay fever. I was horribly afflicted with allergies since I was a teenager, and I received no relief from allergy shots.  I depended heavily on antihistamine drugs.  I accompanied my wife to her acupuncturist for my own treatments.  After 5 or 6 treatments I no longer had to ingest hay fever pills.   Joy, oh blessed JOY! ! !  Our acupuncturist was Dr. Tao from China.  In addition to his practice, he taught at CU school of medicine.

My wife was more comfortable with the acupuncture, but died at age 41. Her old cancer spread to her pancreas and then to all major organs.  By then our kids’ ages were 8 thru 16.  Now you may be wondering why my story covers so much of my wife’s cancer and not so much of my infertility.  I was nearing my second marriage a couple years after my first wife died.  I decided to check my fertility so we wouldn’t get any surprises later.  The doctor told me I was as virile as a horse, and asked me if I wanted to do something about it.  Obviously, he didn’t know the motivation for my re-testing.

I read somewhere that antihistimines could possibly contribute towards infertility.  It had been over 7 years since I quit using them, thanks to accupuncture.  I was then living proof that those pills were causing my sperm problems.  I was at last a MAN again!

And that, dear friends, is the complete story.  You won’t have to wait for the rest of it.  I have had two great marriages, and four wonderful & loving children who have given me 12 grand kids and one great-grand son.

T’s Story: Hope in Spite of Loss

Our journey towards parenthood began in July, 2007. We had been a couple for 7 years and married for one. We spent much of that time discussing at length the merits of starting a family and those of living childfree and struggled with the decision to go one way or the other. We decided that we wanted a family and that we would begin trying to conceive. At the time, I was 32 and was aware that I was on the back end of that “ideal” time to conceive. Still, my doctor explained that I was healthy and that there was no reason that I shouldn’t expect to be pregnant in a year or less. Good thing because we knew from the beginning that any sort of chemical treatment to assist us was not the path we wanted to pursue. This had to happen “naturally” or it wasn’t going to be for us.

My husband and I were determined not to get too intense about the process. We tried each month, but not with significant effort to follow my temps or test for peak fertility with ovulation sticks. Afterall, we were supposed to assume that this would be easy, with no obvious challenges in our way. In 2008, we moved to Colorado and convinced ourselves that the move and new surroundings had distracted us from our goal, explaining away why we weren’t yet pregnant. Nevertheless, a year had gone by and we were not pregnant. My mind immediately went to adoption. It was supposed to happen in a year, and it hadn’t, so if we wanted a family we should adopt.

We looked into every possible avenue for adoption. We considered all forms of adoption. We went to informational sessions and interviews and paid lawyers to understand the laws around adoption in Colorado. In the end, this didn’t prove to be the right fit for us, so we decided that we would double down and try in earnest to conceive. Ah, if only trying were all it took.

In early 2009, we decided to begin acupuncture treatments and charting my temps. The first clinic I went to did not specialize in fertility and I felt that in the way the treatments were administered. We wore ourselves out focusing so much on getting pregnant that we stopped acupuncture, herbs and charting after just a few months. We spent the rest of the year trying to convince ourselves that this would happen if it was meant to and when it was meant to.

In October 2010, I had a breakdown about my lack of ability to visualize our future with or without children. The “playing it by ear” approach was not working for me and my not feeling like I was doing anything purposeful to realize our dreams, aside from the obvious, left me frustrated and helpless. We agreed to try in earnest for a year and then decide if we would accept that we were a childfree couple if nothing happened by the time my 37th birthday rolled around.

I sought out Jane’s expertise and began treatments. By my December 2010 cycle (two and a half months later), I was finally pregnant! After 3.5 years of trying, we had made it! I learned of my pregnancy while traveling in Ethiopia without my husband and spent those two weeks reveling in the announcement I got to bring home to him. We were blissful. Nothing could’ve dampened our spirits. We had unending thoughts of relief and acceptance that there really was nothing wrong with us and that we were meant to have a family as well as all of our friends and family.

Tragically, that dream ended in mid-February, when we miscarried at 10 weeks. I don’t know how we’ll heal through this yet. It is devastating and life-altering, as much as being pregnant in the first place was life-altering. Initially, neither of us could imagine going through this seemingly insurmountable loss again. We recoiled from our lives and just stuck together to get through the grief. Now, we still have moments of overwhelming loss and anger, but we are trying to conceive again. We’ve both agreed that we only have one more bout of this in us. If we are lucky enough to get pregnant again, but not carry the baby to term, we will likely end our journey. The pain is too great.

For now though, we have tremendous hope.

K’s Story: HOPE

Another inspiring, wholehearted family-building story about how hope can carry us despite the odds, the statistics, the dismal prognosis…and a great follow up to H’s story since hope mattered much more than low AMH in this case!

Hope

I never gave up hope.  Not even after receiving the heartbreaking diagnosis that I had a 2% chance of conceiving, even if I went the expensive route of in vitro fertilization.  My anti-müllerian hormone level was almost non-existent at .1 ng/ml.  My follicle-stimulating hormone was 17 iu/l, a level indicating perimenopause.  In other words, my eggs were duds, acting like they belonged to the body of an old “past-her-prime” woman, not a woman who was 30-years-old and ready to start her family.  I had Diminished Ovarian Reserve.

I was destroyed, but somehow through reading success stories and hearing about miracle babies I managed to keep a glimmer of hope alive.  I sought some natural therapies—Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) through Acupuncture Denver and yoga.  I found support groups.  I talked.  I blogged.  I changed my diet.  I researched.  I tried to make sense of the pain that I experienced every time an announcement was made that another friend or family member was pregnant.  I tried intrauterine insemination with injectable hormones, but my body didn’t respond well enough and the cycle failed.  So, I kept up with yoga and TCM because it did seem to make a difference in my cycles and at least helped my mindset.

It was hope that kept me going.  I wanted a family.  After two years of trying, my husband and I decided to start down the adoption track.  I started to funnel my energy into researching types of adoption, agencies, the incredible cost.  It was a whole other daunting research project.  But, I still kept some hope in my heart that my body might jump start and shoot out a good egg while I was researching adoption.

And it did.

I still remember the beautiful morning, almost like it was yesterday, when at 5am I had gotten up early to shower for work.  My period was due the day before, but hadn’t shown up yet.  After two years of trying to conceive, I really didn’t test much anymore because it was heartbreaking every time only one line showed up.   But, I still kept a stash of tests in the closet.  When I awoke to no period, I thought, “Hmmm… maybe I should test.”  After three minutes, I looked at the stick and thought my eyes were deceiving me.  I rubbed them, looked again and staring back at me were two lines.  TWO lines.  One was still faint, but it was there.  It was really there.  I have never been more overcome with emotion than I was at that moment.  Was it possible that I was really pregnant?  Was it possible that I overcame my measly 2% chance of success?

I was a maniac.  I screamed and laughed and cried at the top of my lungs.  I bolted into our bedroom to tell my husband, and he thought I had hurt myself or that the house was on fire. I couldn’t even talk.  All I could do was turn on the light and shove the pregnancy test in front of his eyes.  We were finally going to be parents!

When our daughter was 6-months-old, we found out we were expecting unexpectedly again.  Impossible, right?  We couldn’t believe it, but we were thrilled that we might be lucky enough to have not one, but two babies biologically.  We waited the obligatory time to share our news with the world.  But when I went in for my 16-week appointment, our baby boy’s heartbeat was not detected.  He had died at about 15 weeks 4 days.  We were devastated and again facing the infertility diagnosis of Diminished Ovarian Reserve.

The grief and sorrow of losing that baby was intense.  I cried every day.  I forced myself to go through the motions.  But, I decided after a couple months that I wasn’t ready to give up hope.  If my body had gotten pregnant twice without interventions, it could do it again.  And although we weren’t really trying, we also weren’t really NOT trying.  Miraculously, in August of 09, I must have had one more good egg because we found out in early September that we were having another baby.  We were cautious for most of the pregnancy, but after we passed the 20-week mark, we let our guard down.  We were actually going to have another baby.  And even now, I’m still in awe that we managed to get pregnant again.

Now we have two magnificent daughters who grace us daily with laughter, love and a little rivalry to keep things interesting.  There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for the gifts we’ve been given, for the beauty that we have in our family.

Hope is amazing.  To be given a 2% chance of success, but to get pregnant three times naturally means we beat the odds.  And hope…hope is responsible.

H’s Story: Holding on to Hope Against the Odds….

I’m honored to present our first fertility journey story, shared by someone who is not even a patient at Acupuncture Denver, but who reached out to share her story immediately when she saw the call for stories on my newsletter or facebook. I’ll be sending you an article on how TCM views AMH/FSH and how acupuncture and TCM can help (just to answer your question at the end).   Thank you for your courage, your big heart and your vulnerability. I am sure there is someone out there who needs to hear your words of hope and understanding….

“What a way to begin the infertility awareness week. Yesterday I had an appointment with my fertility clinic and was told I will never be able to have a biological child. I will be able to get pregnant with someone else’s eggs or embryo adoption but at the young age of 34 I have bad eggs and cannot have one of my own. Well I felt like someone took the winds out of my sail. But in the true spirit of my life I decided to look on the bright side, that atleast now my options have been cut in half and it is either embryo adoption or start that long process of adoption. (Now don’t get me wrong, before we started trying to have kids 4 years ago we have always planned on adopting…but the plan was to have 2 biological kids and then adopt 2). So now we don’t have to make the hard decision of spending all of our money and taking a loan for the rest just for one try at IVF. It has been weighing heavily on us this last year. We even started looking seriously into an IVF vacation this weekend. But after 3 miscarriages over these last 12 years and an AMH level of less than .1 I was told no way I can have a baby with my own eggs. 

So you would think I would be bummed ….. well I woke this morning to an LH surge and decided we will have a miracle baby. It took my mom 4 years to get pregnant with me and 4 years to get pregnant with my sister. We have been trying 4 years….so this is the year. My husband decided we will get a miracle (or he just enjoyed waking to a wife wanting sex…haha either one is fine).  I thank my fertility clinic for all their help and have decided to just pray for the miracle and start the embryo adoption process. My husband and I have worked so hard for a child. Living these last 4 years putting all our hard earned money into fertility treatments, which of course are not at all covered by insurance, living each month thinking this will be the month and having our dreams crushed each and every month… not any more. We will have a child some way or another (just not the Raising Arizona kind of way..haha) and we just have to believe that things will work out. 

I have more than 20 aunts and uncles if that gives you any clue to how big my family is, and I am one of the only ones that is without child. This is funny since my talent, my gift in life,  is working with children. I went to college for early childhood education and have worked with children from birth to 3rd grade. Besides being a teacher and nanny, I am also a doula. So I guess what they say is true… “those who can’t teach….”

I just want to say with all the heartache my husband and I have been through we can still see a silver lining. We still know there is a child out there for us. We also joke that with my husband’s intelligence and my compassion that the child has just taken so long because they are destined to be president or to solve the world’s problems. 

There is no giving up on us. With that being said if anyone knows any way of raising your AMH levels (besides breaking into the lab an changing the results…hahaha), I am all ears. If not say a prayer that a loving family picks us to raise their embryos…. 

I wish everyone out there good luck in all of their journeys, no matter what path you go down just know that there are many people out there going down the same path and they are there to support you when you start to feel down…”

Share Your Story

In honor of National Infertility Awareness week, I am inviting one and all to share their family-building stories with us. Whether it’s a story of overcoming enormous odds to have a biological child, experiencing the miracle of adoption, embracing child-free living, or being part of a story that is still unfolding, I would love to hear from you. I have grand plans for a way to share these stories in the future, but for now will plan to share them on my blog. I truly believe in the truth I have learned from Brene Brown’s work on shame and vulnerability/wholehearted living. She believes that “owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we will ever do.” To learn more about her work, visit her website or blog.

Please share your story with me. I believe sharing our stories is one of the most important ways we can inspire others and help them feel less alone in their own struggles. When you were in the depths of your darkest hours in your own fertility journey, wouldn’t it have been nice to hear an inspiring or just really raw story of someone who had been there? I know we can all benefit from taking the risk to be vulnerable with those who understand this particular struggle of longing, loss and hope. To share your story, please email to me (jane@acudenver.com) with “my story” in the subject line.

I am excited to hold space for this!

Congratulations Merry, new ABORM Fellow!

We just found out that Acupuncture Denver associate, Merry Reasons, passed the recent ABORM (American Board of Oriental Reproductive Medicine) Exam.  I am so proud and impressed!! Merry has shown such dedication, hard work, and commitment to Acupuncture Denver over the past few years. Merry started in the clinic in August 2008 when I was on maternity leave and has been with us ever since. Merry followed me in the clinic for many months before starting, trained with Randine Lewis to become  a Clinical Excellence In Fertility (CEFP) member with the Fertile Soul, and agreed to sit for the ABORM exam earlier this month. Here is more information about the ABORM certification from their website:

The ABORM has been formed by leading professionals in Oriental Reproductive Medicine who have come together voluntarily with a resolve to meet the patient and physician demand for a demonstration of knowledge of care in this field. We have recognized the need for a certification to maintain that practitioners who are treating patients with Oriental Medicine in the field of Reproductive Health are doing so with an advanced knowledge and experience, and to allow practitioners to demonstrate their knowledge through the process of voluntary examination.

We are happy to both be certified ABORM fellows and to offer our patients the highest standard of care in the field of Oriental Reproductive Medicine at Acupuncture Denver.  Since this certification is not required, it sets apart those practitioners who have extensive knowledge, experience and dedication to the specialty. Since there are more and more acupuncture “fertility specialists” out there as time goes by, we feel that having met the criteria of the ABORM and having attained status as ABORM fellows distinguishes us as practitioners and as a clinic dedicated to women’s health and fertility enhancement.

In addition to becoming such a great practitioner, Merry has been an amazing support to me as a friend and professional partner at the clinic. Her friendship and loyalty have given me inspiration to grow both personally and professionally over the past few years. As many patients have told me, Merry is very “zen” and  brings a calm presence to any situation. She has the wonderful ability to hold space, allow for open emotional release, and bring non-judgmental compassion to those she touches. I am truly grateful to have Merry in my life and know she gives so much to everyone she treats at the clinic. In addition to  now being a certified ABORM Fellow, Merry has a huge heart, a humble nature and a gentle, calm spirit.  Congratulations, Merry! I don’t know what I’d do without you– you have my gratitude and love!

What Makes Us Beautiful

I am currently in a wonderful online class where this week people shared quotations that inspired them to live wholeheartedly. Here was one of my favorites:

The most beautiful people we have know are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
-Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

I am continually inspired by the people I have been honored to know in my work as they have struggled through health issues and in particular, infertility and pregnancy loss.  One of the things that makes this work so meaningful to me is the opportunity I have to witness  incredible transformation, healing and beauty in people. I know my own pregnancy losses softened me and humbled me in profound ways I would never have been able to force without being in a situation that was beyond my control. I could feel myself become palpably more compassionate and open-hearted when I was literally brought to my knees by grief, uncertainty, fear and sadness. And I know that experience has everything to do with the person I am today. It’s certainly easier to look back and say we are grateful for misfortune or loss than to recognize the gifts these experiences bring when we are right there in them.  But I think the quotation above articulates how suffering can give birth to sensitivity, appreciation and gratitude. And how those experiences that are most difficult are what make us most beautiful.

So even as you find  yourself in the midst of a situation that feels painful, uncertain, scary and heartbreaking, take a breath. Know you are not alone. Know you are presented with the opportunity to soften, open, and expand into grace. Know you are beautiful. Know you are enough. And breathe again. Take a moment to believe you are enough just as you are in this moment. Feel your scared, tender, uncertain, broken heart and let it shine. Beautiful.