K’s Story: HOPE

Another inspiring, wholehearted family-building story about how hope can carry us despite the odds, the statistics, the dismal prognosis…and a great follow up to H’s story since hope mattered much more than low AMH in this case!

Hope

I never gave up hope.  Not even after receiving the heartbreaking diagnosis that I had a 2% chance of conceiving, even if I went the expensive route of in vitro fertilization.  My anti-müllerian hormone level was almost non-existent at .1 ng/ml.  My follicle-stimulating hormone was 17 iu/l, a level indicating perimenopause.  In other words, my eggs were duds, acting like they belonged to the body of an old “past-her-prime” woman, not a woman who was 30-years-old and ready to start her family.  I had Diminished Ovarian Reserve.

I was destroyed, but somehow through reading success stories and hearing about miracle babies I managed to keep a glimmer of hope alive.  I sought some natural therapies—Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) through Acupuncture Denver and yoga.  I found support groups.  I talked.  I blogged.  I changed my diet.  I researched.  I tried to make sense of the pain that I experienced every time an announcement was made that another friend or family member was pregnant.  I tried intrauterine insemination with injectable hormones, but my body didn’t respond well enough and the cycle failed.  So, I kept up with yoga and TCM because it did seem to make a difference in my cycles and at least helped my mindset.

It was hope that kept me going.  I wanted a family.  After two years of trying, my husband and I decided to start down the adoption track.  I started to funnel my energy into researching types of adoption, agencies, the incredible cost.  It was a whole other daunting research project.  But, I still kept some hope in my heart that my body might jump start and shoot out a good egg while I was researching adoption.

And it did.

I still remember the beautiful morning, almost like it was yesterday, when at 5am I had gotten up early to shower for work.  My period was due the day before, but hadn’t shown up yet.  After two years of trying to conceive, I really didn’t test much anymore because it was heartbreaking every time only one line showed up.   But, I still kept a stash of tests in the closet.  When I awoke to no period, I thought, “Hmmm… maybe I should test.”  After three minutes, I looked at the stick and thought my eyes were deceiving me.  I rubbed them, looked again and staring back at me were two lines.  TWO lines.  One was still faint, but it was there.  It was really there.  I have never been more overcome with emotion than I was at that moment.  Was it possible that I was really pregnant?  Was it possible that I overcame my measly 2% chance of success?

I was a maniac.  I screamed and laughed and cried at the top of my lungs.  I bolted into our bedroom to tell my husband, and he thought I had hurt myself or that the house was on fire. I couldn’t even talk.  All I could do was turn on the light and shove the pregnancy test in front of his eyes.  We were finally going to be parents!

When our daughter was 6-months-old, we found out we were expecting unexpectedly again.  Impossible, right?  We couldn’t believe it, but we were thrilled that we might be lucky enough to have not one, but two babies biologically.  We waited the obligatory time to share our news with the world.  But when I went in for my 16-week appointment, our baby boy’s heartbeat was not detected.  He had died at about 15 weeks 4 days.  We were devastated and again facing the infertility diagnosis of Diminished Ovarian Reserve.

The grief and sorrow of losing that baby was intense.  I cried every day.  I forced myself to go through the motions.  But, I decided after a couple months that I wasn’t ready to give up hope.  If my body had gotten pregnant twice without interventions, it could do it again.  And although we weren’t really trying, we also weren’t really NOT trying.  Miraculously, in August of 09, I must have had one more good egg because we found out in early September that we were having another baby.  We were cautious for most of the pregnancy, but after we passed the 20-week mark, we let our guard down.  We were actually going to have another baby.  And even now, I’m still in awe that we managed to get pregnant again.

Now we have two magnificent daughters who grace us daily with laughter, love and a little rivalry to keep things interesting.  There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for the gifts we’ve been given, for the beauty that we have in our family.

Hope is amazing.  To be given a 2% chance of success, but to get pregnant three times naturally means we beat the odds.  And hope…hope is responsible.

Share Your Story

In honor of National Infertility Awareness week, I am inviting one and all to share their family-building stories with us. Whether it’s a story of overcoming enormous odds to have a biological child, experiencing the miracle of adoption, embracing child-free living, or being part of a story that is still unfolding, I would love to hear from you. I have grand plans for a way to share these stories in the future, but for now will plan to share them on my blog. I truly believe in the truth I have learned from Brene Brown’s work on shame and vulnerability/wholehearted living. She believes that “owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we will ever do.” To learn more about her work, visit her website or blog.

Please share your story with me. I believe sharing our stories is one of the most important ways we can inspire others and help them feel less alone in their own struggles. When you were in the depths of your darkest hours in your own fertility journey, wouldn’t it have been nice to hear an inspiring or just really raw story of someone who had been there? I know we can all benefit from taking the risk to be vulnerable with those who understand this particular struggle of longing, loss and hope. To share your story, please email to me (jane@acudenver.com) with “my story” in the subject line.

I am excited to hold space for this!

With a Little Help From My Friends

Everyone needs a tribe. I just returned from my yearly Fertile Soul CEFP practitioner retreat in Austin. It was amazing to connect with friends, old and new, and gather in a circle to share, learn and connect. My tribe. I come back from these gatherings feeling filled up and renewed. This group is the well I draw from so that I can continue to give in my work and life. I am continually touched and inspired by the vulnerability shared with these wonderful souls. When we gather together around our shared experience of working with fertility and heart-centered healing, we can all let our guards down, reveal our fears, grief, sadness and joy. Over the years, we have shared our own journeys with each other: our fertility struggles, our relationship issues, our work challenges, our battles with illness, our inspiration, our births, deaths and our re-birthing.

Randine is like the hub of the wheel that connects us all and holds space for our staying in the realm of the spirit. And we have become like the spokes on the wheel that give structure to her work and carry forth her message in the world. We are continually reminded of the Tao in her presence and challenged to stay rooted in spirit as we work with patients and live our lives. What a gift she has given us.

I am so inspired by my Fertile Soul sisters and brothers.  At the moment I am particularly in awe of Alex Berks, who faced the terrifying reality of cancer last year and is still facing it. Despite the suffering he went through and the possibility of more medical intervention and great uncertainty, he remains a rock of strength and a bright light of love.  He is one of the kindest, most authentic, most open people I have ever known.  Ever since we met at the first CEFP gathering, drinking wine and joking about “plus-one” he has been one of my favorite people on the planet.  Even more that that, I am testifying to the fact that he is a BIG SHOT: a brilliant healer and scholar of Chinese medicine, a wonderful husband (like John Wayne for Denise), an amazing father, a sincere friend, and a prince of a man. I am so proud to know him and to share in his wisdom and light. You shine, Alex. Gratitude to you, friend. And gratitude to all my Fertile Soul companions in this life. I am so happy to be part of our tribe.

Congratulations Merry, new ABORM Fellow!

We just found out that Acupuncture Denver associate, Merry Reasons, passed the recent ABORM (American Board of Oriental Reproductive Medicine) Exam.  I am so proud and impressed!! Merry has shown such dedication, hard work, and commitment to Acupuncture Denver over the past few years. Merry started in the clinic in August 2008 when I was on maternity leave and has been with us ever since. Merry followed me in the clinic for many months before starting, trained with Randine Lewis to become  a Clinical Excellence In Fertility (CEFP) member with the Fertile Soul, and agreed to sit for the ABORM exam earlier this month. Here is more information about the ABORM certification from their website:

The ABORM has been formed by leading professionals in Oriental Reproductive Medicine who have come together voluntarily with a resolve to meet the patient and physician demand for a demonstration of knowledge of care in this field. We have recognized the need for a certification to maintain that practitioners who are treating patients with Oriental Medicine in the field of Reproductive Health are doing so with an advanced knowledge and experience, and to allow practitioners to demonstrate their knowledge through the process of voluntary examination.

We are happy to both be certified ABORM fellows and to offer our patients the highest standard of care in the field of Oriental Reproductive Medicine at Acupuncture Denver.  Since this certification is not required, it sets apart those practitioners who have extensive knowledge, experience and dedication to the specialty. Since there are more and more acupuncture “fertility specialists” out there as time goes by, we feel that having met the criteria of the ABORM and having attained status as ABORM fellows distinguishes us as practitioners and as a clinic dedicated to women’s health and fertility enhancement.

In addition to becoming such a great practitioner, Merry has been an amazing support to me as a friend and professional partner at the clinic. Her friendship and loyalty have given me inspiration to grow both personally and professionally over the past few years. As many patients have told me, Merry is very “zen” and  brings a calm presence to any situation. She has the wonderful ability to hold space, allow for open emotional release, and bring non-judgmental compassion to those she touches. I am truly grateful to have Merry in my life and know she gives so much to everyone she treats at the clinic. In addition to  now being a certified ABORM Fellow, Merry has a huge heart, a humble nature and a gentle, calm spirit.  Congratulations, Merry! I don’t know what I’d do without you– you have my gratitude and love!

Words of Wisdom From Randine Lewis

Here is a great reminder of how to embrace our seasonal shift from Randine Lewis, my mentor and friend, founder of The Fertile Soul:

Happy Halloween, marking summer’s end.  In Gaelic, Samhain marked the Celtic New Year, beginning November 1, when the veil between the worlds was thinnest, as nature turned from the full expression of yang inward to yin, where the born returns to the unborn.

I like to think of this time as coming home. Not necessarily returning to the sentimentality of the secular “home”, but of plowing back under that which is no longer needed to compost that which can be. As the sap returns from nourishing the summer leaves back into the core, let us return to our own inner essence as we evaluate where our energy has been expended. As we begin this return to the depths, may we each have the courage to let go of that which is no longer serving us. Returning to the depths, to our own zhi, is not usually a time where things fit nicely together. It is often a time where things fall apart, and tumble to ruins so we can experience the utter chaos of new potential.

 I have found when I can embrace the processes of nature and live in accordance with the Tao, it sparks this same ability in those who come to me for help. I can only offer that which I have been through and that which I am; not the impotency of that which I have learned. Time is too precious to try to fix things from the outside in. My greatest gift in healing has never been in the form of “Let me do this for you,” but rather, “May I stand with you as your world falls apart?” The potency in healing is like shaking the tree, letting the leaves fall so what is revealed is bare openness, allowing life to emerge freshly once again. Let go of the structures that no longer work. Dare to jump into the abyss of the unknown.

Welcome to Acupuncture Denver’s Blog

Welcome to Acupuncture Denver, Oriental Medical Arts. We are a fully licensed and board certified acupuncture and Chinese medicine clinic located in central Denver. While we specialize in women’s health and fertility enhancement, we can also treat a wide range of other conditions. Jane Gregorie is a Charter member of The Fertile Soul’s Clinical Excellence in Fertility Program™ and is also ABORM certified as a Fellow of the American Board of Oriental Reproductive Medicine.

To learn more about our facility and available services, visit our website at http://www.acudenver.com, or contact us directly at 303.929.9582. We look forward to hearing from you!